Food Love

"Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good."

On Obama

The Norwegian Nobel Committee selects the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. Even in admitting that the Committee has a broad interpretation of the qualifications for the award, far too many people are skeptical about President Obama receiving the Nobel. The Committee says that it endorses and contributes to enhance multilateralism in a world facing global problems--multifaceted solutions and cooperation is needed more than ever. The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize is a testament to America's leadership and role in the international community, and moreover, we should be proud that an American won. In light of everything that President Obama is trying to accomplish for us, it seems like he can't win because so many don't want him to win. On health care reform, there were absurd lies everywhere. What happened to civil debate? On encouraging a secure Israel and an independent Palestine, he was called anti-Semantic. What's wrong with peace? On trying to bring the Olympic Games to the United States, there were signs and shouts of joy when our bid fell short. Where did the patriotism go?

I'm Good

Really, I am. Back from the much needed mini vacation with a realization that I'm good. I may be my harshest critic, but it makes me work harder. I may not see or believe what my family or closest friends do, but it makes me feel better.

School: 1 year of Davis + 4 years of Reno = 2 degrees and 1 minor
Family: Forget About Me I Love You
LPR: I don't know what you're going to do without me...
California: I want to come back. ACCEPT ME.
Nevada: I can't wait to leave. MISS ME.
Love: Maybe I tried too hard. Meet me halfway.
LSAT: Hurry up and get scored. The wait isn't doing my nerves well.

It's Over

The worst is over. With the LSAT out of way (relatively speaking because I might have to take it again in December), I am now focused on crafting a personal statement so good that the Admissions Committee will have an orgasm. I'm also working on getting letters of recommendation from a professor, a supervisor, and a senator.

And then there's the list. The list of dream schools and realistic schools. I guess the worst isn't over. After I apply, I have to wait. Patience is a virtue and I'm not very patient. If I get in, I'll have three years of craziness and more years of debt. If I don't get in, Mommy will be sad. And I thought that I'd be HAPPY after the LSAT.

So I'm going to make me happy. I'm going to Davis and Sac this weekend to visit friends. And there's the Oktoberfest in San Francisco too. Mmmmm, I enjoy beer. Let's have a good weekend, people!

Nothing Else

Six days until the LSAT.
I'm not nervous.
I'm not confident either.
I'm at the point where I've given it my all
and there's nothing else I can do.

Successful

I. Just. Want. To. Be. Successful.

What I am is my mom's gift to me.
What I become is my gift to her.

"So I fell into the thoughts of my soul
Dreams came rushing like the tingles of hope
If I had one thing that could somehow come true
It’s to show you the dreams that I’ve been dreaming for you."

Juggling work, school, clubs, and play is difficult.
I stand alone. I am awed and jealous.
"If they can do it, so can I."
But I'm constantly bogged down. Slowed down.
I'm tired. And in my weariness, I wonder:
will I always be this busy?

I keep telling myself that when I graduate and
get a job, I can finally slow down, but I'm starting
to realize that this may not be the case because
I just want to be successful.

Effing Finally

My LSAT lesson books are in! Study Mode full-speed ahead!

I'm armed with the best strategies to kick ass on this test, and the motivation and ambition to kick my own ass when I get lazyyyyyyy.

So All-Over

I'm spread so thin. The fact that I'm finally graduating in May is exciting, but there's still so much I haven't done yet. Bad luck too. I had to take another class section during my guitar class because the one I enrolled in was canceled. Ugh. The only class I was looking forward to. So now I'm stuck with hella classes while I study for the LSAT because with a little more hard work on my end, I can earn two degrees.

Dream Career

Dream Career = DC

Maybe it's a sign. My dream career is in DC. I've seen The West Wing many times; it's my favorite television show. And the quote that got me drunk with hopes and ambitions of public service is this: "We have the ability to affect more change in a day [here] at the White House than we will have in a lifetime once we walk out these doors." Whether I be elected or work for the elected, I know I'd enjoy doing what I do--serving the People.

Fear-Mongering Conservatives

I can't believe the lies that the Right Wing conservatives are saying about health care reform. Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, the GOP leadership, the GOP, Fox News. Lies. EVERY SINGLE WORD that comes out of their mouths on health care reform is either falsified or fabricated--intoxicated with fear.

They are inciting anger through lies. I welcome debate because it's necessary and beneficial, but this is ridiculous. These people are absolutely misinformed. It's like no one bothered to look for the FACTS. No skepticism at all. "The Republicans said health care reform is bad. It must be true!"

The angry people at these town hall meetings will feel embarrassed for acting so rash. Knowledge is empowering. We should empower the people with the facts. More than 46 million Americans are uninsured. It's cheaper to prevent illness than to treat it. Pre-existing condition clauses help no one. Countless families are forced to choose between bankruptcy or death. Inaction is not an option. But luckily for those who oppose health care reform, they can opt out and not receive anything. So let's look at the facts because facts never lie.

1. It won't bankrupt the US. According to the Congressional Budget Office, it's deficit-neutral. http://edlabor.house.gov/newsroom/2009/07/cbo-scores-confirms-deficit-ne.shtml

2. Yes, the conservatives and the GOP are lying about health care reform.

http://edlabor.house.gov/documents/111/pdf/publications/AAHCA-mythvfact-071409.pdf

3. Congress made a summary of the bill in layman's terms so everyone can understand.

http://edlabor.house.gov/documents/111/pdf/publications/AAHCA-BILLSUMMARY-071409.pdf

4. Congress also made a section-by-section analysis for those who dare to learn more.

http://waysandmeans.house.gov/media/pdf/111/sbys3200.pdf

5. Health care reform has support, especially from the AARP, AFL-CIO, and SEUI.

http://edlabor.house.gov/blog/2009/07/supporters-of-the-americas-aff.shtml

It's Coincidence

Not destiny or fate.

Just pure coincidence, a random possibility.

Not meant to be or came to be.

Just happened, a perfect meet-cute.

No plan.

No pressure.

No strings attached.

So don't be sad if it ends too soon or if it never began.

Maybe this is as good as it's going to get.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe.

So don't force it or go against the current.

Be genuine.

Be natural.

Be you.

Regardless of the outcome, it was beautiful in every way.

(500) Days of Summer is my favorite film.

Incandescently Brilliant

Okay. So I took a practice LSAT today (it bothers me that it's all I think about, but nonetheless, here we are). I bombed. I need to break 160. Anyways, as I was on the verge of crying, shaving my head, and doing major damage on my credit card at Saks, I popped in Sex in the City. Samantha Jones, thank you. "I LOVE ME MORE." This test is trying to get the best of me, it was working (and still is), but I'll fight, dammit! What makes me happy? What can turn my frown upside down? Movies! Music! Books! Coffee dates! Clever puns (because some aren't clever)! Hard riddles (because some aren't hard)! Brilliant quotes! Brutal honesty! MIND SEX. Talk nerdy to me. Tell me something I don't know. I absolutely love it. I love listening. Learning. My mind needs to get an intelligent Fornication Under the Consent of the King because it's nasty affair with that godforsaken creature called the LSAT is depressing and quite unhealthy.

From The Holiday

"I know it's hard to believe people when they say, 'I know how you feel.' But I actually know how you feel...What I'm trying to say is I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends. You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think you were that happy...And after all that, however long "all that" may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all those fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

From Eat, Pray, Love

"You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead."

By Gretchen Sumera

"Doubt is the greatest gift. It's the space between two certainties."

By William Shakespeare

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to no one."

By Gwen Stefani

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KLXVSsT2wQ

Fuck Relativity

I want to skip all the bullshit. Fast forward. I want to be in law school already. I need that sense of security. Many of my friends and classmates have moved on at a much quicker pace. I feel left behind. Yes, I could have graduated last May, but I can't help feeling disappointment in myself. Graduating in 4 and grad school right after. The conventional way. Relative to the people I had honors and AP classes with in high school, I feel unaccomplished. Relative to the people I attended Davis with, I feel disadvantaged. Relativity. Fuck it.

It's so hard to follow your own words, your own philosophy. I wrote the following a while ago. I remember feeling liberated. Moving at my own pace while paying no attention to others is a talent--a gift. I had that gift. And in the time that I realized it, I did so much...

"Why do we always want to grow up so fast? Maybe it's because

we get tired of the work it takes to get where we want to be.

Sometimes you need a tea party with good friends to

help you realize that desirable results of ambition take time;

so take your time. Ironically, life is too short, but if you

don't take the time to live it, you lose. You lose what you

could have gained. Study abroad, study a minor, do

something fun or spontaneous. Live. We're young,

vibrant and drenched with potential. No obstacle

should permanently deviate you from your goals...

money, parents, lovers, or haters...if anything,

these will make the journey more worth the time it takes to achieve it."

Self-assurance is the best insurance because in the end all we really have is ourself. You are accountable to no one but yourself. Me, myself, and I. So I worked hard, and prioritized love and relationships last. With all that I've done, I am unable to see the fruit, the benefit, the payoff. I sacrificed happiness that could have been for success that might be. I narrowed my scope when it should have been broadened.

You see, law advisors and LSAT personnel place so much emphasis on GPA and the LSAT. What about my work? My passions? Helping others. Serving the community. Engaging in healthy debate. Promoting social justice. Encouraging participation in our democracy. Aren't these desirable qualities too? I don't have a 4.0 or a 180; I'll be weighed and measured against other candidates. RELATIVE to their LSAT scores and GPAs. So I feel left behind, not just academically, but intimately as well. So fuck relativity.

Let me be understood. I am not criticizing the law school admission process, the LSAT, or anyone else. I am ranting. I am venting. I need to write to let it all out. My frustration is signal of my insecurities. I doubt myself. I doubt that my ability to thrive may not be enough for law school. The best I can do is reassure myself that it will work out, that I have done well. Hearing it isn't enough. I need to internalize it. I need to believe it. For someone who was so independent and self-sufficient, I am amazed at the weakness of my current state--moping around like some child who didn't get what he wanted on his birthday.

Quotes 1

I once heard that being original means concealing your inspiration. So true. So I'm going to start posting my favorite quotes, sayings, puns, text, and excerpts that inspire me. We'll start with one from Grey's Anatomy.

"make a plan.

set a goal.

work toward it,

but every now and then

look around

drink it in

because this is it

it might all be gone tomorrow."

-Dr. Meredith Grey

Season 5 is intense. SPOILER ALERT. Izzy and George die. Yes, I cried. Been with the show since Season 1, yo. But I took a break when it started to get lame in Season 3. It's back though! The most enlightening moments are when Meredith does her little narratives throughout the show. Each one is so well-put together; each one hits the spot. The quote above speaks to my feelings right now. The LSAT, law school, and everything else are stressing me out. It's all part of my plan, my goals, but I hadn't taken any time for myself. I've taken the simple joys for granted. I miss reading a good book or a having lively conversation over coffee. I need some me time, but with a balance. I can't just stop studying--the test is in 2 months! But I can slow down, lighten my load. Blog. Have a glass of wine. Finish reading unfinished books. Watch a movie with the roomies. With that, goodnight.

Untitled 2

I am writing with great haste as I am leaching on someone else's internet. Come Tuesday I will be reconnected again. I feel as if I haven't written in a while. Not having the internet has made me feel separated from the world--forced to retreat to my thoughts. But I was not alone. I had my music, my books, my pen. Though my hiatus will be short-lived, lasting only one week, I feel somewhat revived. I will stop short of saying that I am completely changed; I am not. I am, however, more resolved. But I broke down first. The LSAT is overwhelmingly tiresome and it gets worse with every passing hour that I study. I was and still am so doubtful about my future. But I realized that there's beauty in the breakdown. Not knowing yourself entirely, not knowing what you want entirely is good because you'd have less to fight for if you did know. The uncertain can make you certain and the most obvious can be the least transparent. What is clear to me are my goals:

I will score high on the LSAT.

I will come out to my mother.

I will get into law school.

I will be successful and happy because I believe the two can walk together.

I will help others.

I will fight the good fight.

I will stay true to myself, my family, my friends, my beliefs.

These are my goals, and thus my law. My word is my law. And I will repeat my law so that I may never forget.

On another rambling note, "John Adams" is an HBO miniseries. I bought it at Costco to help pass the time. Similar to "The West Wing" it has refined and retuned my passion to serve. Not for title of grandeur or power or wealth, but for the common good. The United States is, to my knowledge, the first nation to war for a people's liberty. Taxation without representation. Status as a second-class citizen to an English-born person. These are what led 13 colonies to become one independent, free nation. Ironically the problems that escalated to the Revolutionary War have been recycled into modernity. What would our Founding Fathers think about the people in this country today who are trampling all over the Constitution? Where's the active liberty? Where are the people? What will it take for everyone to realize that marriage equality is everyone's issue? Denying rights to a people based on a characteristic can and will set a dangerous precedent.

"An unjust law is no law at all."

Untitled 1

The Urban Outfitters at Santana Row in San Jose had a neat book. It's called Six-Word Memoirs. Pretty self-explanatory, but if you don't get it, it's your life in six words. And I thought writing a personal statement was hard. If law school wanted my personal statement in six words, what would it be? What six words would persuade the admissions committee to ask me to enroll? After thinking it over for days, here's what I'd write:

Walk with purpose.

Love and laugh.

Happy Life

"All the world's a stage." Shakespeare really was ahead of his time. He understood humanity, exposed tragedy, and realized that we have only one life. It's a balancing act. Decisions can be difficult. Sacrifices can be irreversible. But in realizing that happiness is the truest pursuit in life, everything else will fall into place.

You shouldn't always have to compromise yourself for yourself--it's counterproductive and ironic. Giving up a part of you to gain another. I believe that you can have your cake and eat it too. Take a step back and ask what it is that you want or what will make you happy. We can get so caught up in trivial matters that we forget what it is that we work towards: happiness. Measure in happiness.

Remain true to yourself. Thinking that you want something is extremely different from knowing what you want. The mind is seasoned for reason and an alcoholic for logic. It tells us what's practical. The heart is you in the nude. It's raw, humble, and passionate. It never lies. It places you and your happiness above everything else. You don't always have to hold your head above your heart because that's the way it is anatomically.

If you make your life goals centered around success or wealth or power, you're basically wrapping dirt with a very thin sheet of gold. It's seemingly valuable, but worthless. Happiness may not lead to life of luxury, but it will lead to a luxurious life. And in the words of Wayland Henry,

"To live with purpose

To say the courageous thing

To celebrate the simple gift

To follow your dreams

This is a happy life."

Priorities Shift

They do. From med school bound to law school hopeful, priorities do shift. I don't believe in fate, but I do believe that things happen for a reason. This reason is a test. It tests how you rise to the occasion, how you react in situations. And there isn't a right or wrong answer--just better and could-have-been-better.

Here are my new fall priorities, chronologically:

- Be happy.

- Come out to my mom.

- Score high on the LSAT!!!

- Write amazing personal statements and finish applications.

- Complete ASUN/community projects.

- Get that 4 point o-er.

- Read the books that I never got to finish reading...

It's short, but doable. Baby steps, but this semester is going to be the hardest yet. Rush, pledging, effing o-chem lab, 17 credits, work, ASUN... If you really want something, you have to work hard. I don't want to take anything for granted. I don't want to have any regrets. I want to smile when I look back, not quiver or cry. This is a defining moment in my life. I better not fuck it up.

Unlikely Inspiration

I've been meaning to study harder for the LSAT. I've been planning to start writing personal statements. All I needed was a little push in the right direction. I went to the Bay for my sister's birthday celebration. I went to the Bay to get away. I was starting to feel the pressure and it overwhelmed me. I wasn't always like this. I'm an initiator. I do. And now I know that I don't know. It's killing me and my ego. I am utterly humbled at the difficulty of this test. I've taken three practice tests and haven't seen any significant improvement. Eff you, logical games. Seriously. But I know it's not just LGs, I can do better at Logical Reasoning and Reading Comp. You see, every single instance of my life has been geared toward medical school. Every science class I've taken is straightforward. "This is how it is." I don't remember being taught to arrange things according to given stipulations. Where are the concrete facts that I've been so accustomed to? I'm the only non-liberal arts major in my class and on the first day of LSAT class, my instructor said to me, "Forget everything you know. The LSAT tests your affinity for argument and reason, not what you know." Great. I felt like I've been wasting the past fours years at Davis and UNR. Had I know earlier what my true calling was, I'd major in history or English or philosophy. Grrrr.

But what made me change my mind. A whim? An epiphany? Sort of. I couldn't ignore the contradicting signs anymore. In middle school, I campaigned with my mom for Al Gore and Joe Lieberman. In high school I joined Rock the Vote to register young people and helped out with the Kerry-Edwards campaign. I did four years of Air Force Junior ROTC and student council. In college I represented students in the Senate, served as the Chief of Staff to the President and Vice President, and interned for the US Senate Majority Leader. When asked why I'm not going to law school, I replied, "Because I see politics as a hobby, not a career." How stupid was I? Anyone would kill to get paid for doing something they enjoy unconditionally, right?

I believe that we are all called to serve. Whether it be teaching or cleaning, each and every one of us serves the community in some capacity. I wanted to be a doctor, but how can I practice medicine with such a heavy burden? How can I help others if I can not help myself. The debate surrounding equal rights in this country has incontrovertibly shifted my priorities. No one can stand up for you, and I wouldn't want someone else to fight my fight. This is why I decided to pursue law.

So back to the dreaded LSAT. I hit a wall; couldn't improve my score. I was questioning myself, doubting myself. Until an unlikely inspiration came along. It was so simple. A stranger said, "You can do this. Logical Games is the most learnable section of the LSAT." What makes this even more credible is that this stranger is going to law school. So I say, "Thank you."

Today I studied Logical Games. I can do this. I have my short list. I know where I want to go and where I want to be. I found myself again. Lesson learned: when you're not looking, it'll come. This weekend was, hands-down, the best ever.

Happy Moment

Natalie Portman said it best: "There are happy moments all the time and there are difficult moments all the time--they sort of just pop up whenever." That's exactly how I feel. In terms of what I'm feeling...I'm feeling happy and I don't know why. It's just one of those moments. It might be my haircut. Or the fact that I did something that I wanted to do: get a haircut. Contenting my desire. Maybe it's because I lifted weights today. I felt really good after. I know a day's workout won't get me the body shape I want by tomorrow, but it felt good. Maybe it's because I gave up fast food for good. FOR GOOD. I haven't had it 5 days, so it's a relatively new self resolution, but it makes me feel good. Maybe it's Samantha Jones's famous line, "I love me more," which I say everyday. You can't love others if you don't love yourself first, right? Maybe it's because I ate blueberry yogurt or wrote a letter to President Obama about equal rights. Whatever I've been doing is working and it's making me feel happy. This is a happy moment.

Persistent Insistence Works

My older sister has aggressively insisted that this site is superior to my old Wordpress--we'll see about that. I need a change anyway.

I'll leave it at that because I don't know what else to t-y-p-e.