Effing Finally

My LSAT lesson books are in! Study Mode full-speed ahead!

I'm armed with the best strategies to kick ass on this test, and the motivation and ambition to kick my own ass when I get lazyyyyyyy.

So All-Over

I'm spread so thin. The fact that I'm finally graduating in May is exciting, but there's still so much I haven't done yet. Bad luck too. I had to take another class section during my guitar class because the one I enrolled in was canceled. Ugh. The only class I was looking forward to. So now I'm stuck with hella classes while I study for the LSAT because with a little more hard work on my end, I can earn two degrees.

Dream Career

Dream Career = DC

Maybe it's a sign. My dream career is in DC. I've seen The West Wing many times; it's my favorite television show. And the quote that got me drunk with hopes and ambitions of public service is this: "We have the ability to affect more change in a day [here] at the White House than we will have in a lifetime once we walk out these doors." Whether I be elected or work for the elected, I know I'd enjoy doing what I do--serving the People.

Fear-Mongering Conservatives

I can't believe the lies that the Right Wing conservatives are saying about health care reform. Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, the GOP leadership, the GOP, Fox News. Lies. EVERY SINGLE WORD that comes out of their mouths on health care reform is either falsified or fabricated--intoxicated with fear.

They are inciting anger through lies. I welcome debate because it's necessary and beneficial, but this is ridiculous. These people are absolutely misinformed. It's like no one bothered to look for the FACTS. No skepticism at all. "The Republicans said health care reform is bad. It must be true!"

The angry people at these town hall meetings will feel embarrassed for acting so rash. Knowledge is empowering. We should empower the people with the facts. More than 46 million Americans are uninsured. It's cheaper to prevent illness than to treat it. Pre-existing condition clauses help no one. Countless families are forced to choose between bankruptcy or death. Inaction is not an option. But luckily for those who oppose health care reform, they can opt out and not receive anything. So let's look at the facts because facts never lie.

1. It won't bankrupt the US. According to the Congressional Budget Office, it's deficit-neutral. http://edlabor.house.gov/newsroom/2009/07/cbo-scores-confirms-deficit-ne.shtml

2. Yes, the conservatives and the GOP are lying about health care reform.

http://edlabor.house.gov/documents/111/pdf/publications/AAHCA-mythvfact-071409.pdf

3. Congress made a summary of the bill in layman's terms so everyone can understand.

http://edlabor.house.gov/documents/111/pdf/publications/AAHCA-BILLSUMMARY-071409.pdf

4. Congress also made a section-by-section analysis for those who dare to learn more.

http://waysandmeans.house.gov/media/pdf/111/sbys3200.pdf

5. Health care reform has support, especially from the AARP, AFL-CIO, and SEUI.

http://edlabor.house.gov/blog/2009/07/supporters-of-the-americas-aff.shtml

It's Coincidence

Not destiny or fate.

Just pure coincidence, a random possibility.

Not meant to be or came to be.

Just happened, a perfect meet-cute.

No plan.

No pressure.

No strings attached.

So don't be sad if it ends too soon or if it never began.

Maybe this is as good as it's going to get.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe.

So don't force it or go against the current.

Be genuine.

Be natural.

Be you.

Regardless of the outcome, it was beautiful in every way.

(500) Days of Summer is my favorite film.

Incandescently Brilliant

Okay. So I took a practice LSAT today (it bothers me that it's all I think about, but nonetheless, here we are). I bombed. I need to break 160. Anyways, as I was on the verge of crying, shaving my head, and doing major damage on my credit card at Saks, I popped in Sex in the City. Samantha Jones, thank you. "I LOVE ME MORE." This test is trying to get the best of me, it was working (and still is), but I'll fight, dammit! What makes me happy? What can turn my frown upside down? Movies! Music! Books! Coffee dates! Clever puns (because some aren't clever)! Hard riddles (because some aren't hard)! Brilliant quotes! Brutal honesty! MIND SEX. Talk nerdy to me. Tell me something I don't know. I absolutely love it. I love listening. Learning. My mind needs to get an intelligent Fornication Under the Consent of the King because it's nasty affair with that godforsaken creature called the LSAT is depressing and quite unhealthy.

From The Holiday

"I know it's hard to believe people when they say, 'I know how you feel.' But I actually know how you feel...What I'm trying to say is I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends. You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think you were that happy...And after all that, however long "all that" may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all those fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

From Eat, Pray, Love

"You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead."

By Gretchen Sumera

"Doubt is the greatest gift. It's the space between two certainties."

By William Shakespeare

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to no one."

By Gwen Stefani

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KLXVSsT2wQ

Fuck Relativity

I want to skip all the bullshit. Fast forward. I want to be in law school already. I need that sense of security. Many of my friends and classmates have moved on at a much quicker pace. I feel left behind. Yes, I could have graduated last May, but I can't help feeling disappointment in myself. Graduating in 4 and grad school right after. The conventional way. Relative to the people I had honors and AP classes with in high school, I feel unaccomplished. Relative to the people I attended Davis with, I feel disadvantaged. Relativity. Fuck it.

It's so hard to follow your own words, your own philosophy. I wrote the following a while ago. I remember feeling liberated. Moving at my own pace while paying no attention to others is a talent--a gift. I had that gift. And in the time that I realized it, I did so much...

"Why do we always want to grow up so fast? Maybe it's because

we get tired of the work it takes to get where we want to be.

Sometimes you need a tea party with good friends to

help you realize that desirable results of ambition take time;

so take your time. Ironically, life is too short, but if you

don't take the time to live it, you lose. You lose what you

could have gained. Study abroad, study a minor, do

something fun or spontaneous. Live. We're young,

vibrant and drenched with potential. No obstacle

should permanently deviate you from your goals...

money, parents, lovers, or haters...if anything,

these will make the journey more worth the time it takes to achieve it."

Self-assurance is the best insurance because in the end all we really have is ourself. You are accountable to no one but yourself. Me, myself, and I. So I worked hard, and prioritized love and relationships last. With all that I've done, I am unable to see the fruit, the benefit, the payoff. I sacrificed happiness that could have been for success that might be. I narrowed my scope when it should have been broadened.

You see, law advisors and LSAT personnel place so much emphasis on GPA and the LSAT. What about my work? My passions? Helping others. Serving the community. Engaging in healthy debate. Promoting social justice. Encouraging participation in our democracy. Aren't these desirable qualities too? I don't have a 4.0 or a 180; I'll be weighed and measured against other candidates. RELATIVE to their LSAT scores and GPAs. So I feel left behind, not just academically, but intimately as well. So fuck relativity.

Let me be understood. I am not criticizing the law school admission process, the LSAT, or anyone else. I am ranting. I am venting. I need to write to let it all out. My frustration is signal of my insecurities. I doubt myself. I doubt that my ability to thrive may not be enough for law school. The best I can do is reassure myself that it will work out, that I have done well. Hearing it isn't enough. I need to internalize it. I need to believe it. For someone who was so independent and self-sufficient, I am amazed at the weakness of my current state--moping around like some child who didn't get what he wanted on his birthday.

Quotes 1

I once heard that being original means concealing your inspiration. So true. So I'm going to start posting my favorite quotes, sayings, puns, text, and excerpts that inspire me. We'll start with one from Grey's Anatomy.

"make a plan.

set a goal.

work toward it,

but every now and then

look around

drink it in

because this is it

it might all be gone tomorrow."

-Dr. Meredith Grey

Season 5 is intense. SPOILER ALERT. Izzy and George die. Yes, I cried. Been with the show since Season 1, yo. But I took a break when it started to get lame in Season 3. It's back though! The most enlightening moments are when Meredith does her little narratives throughout the show. Each one is so well-put together; each one hits the spot. The quote above speaks to my feelings right now. The LSAT, law school, and everything else are stressing me out. It's all part of my plan, my goals, but I hadn't taken any time for myself. I've taken the simple joys for granted. I miss reading a good book or a having lively conversation over coffee. I need some me time, but with a balance. I can't just stop studying--the test is in 2 months! But I can slow down, lighten my load. Blog. Have a glass of wine. Finish reading unfinished books. Watch a movie with the roomies. With that, goodnight.

Untitled 2

I am writing with great haste as I am leaching on someone else's internet. Come Tuesday I will be reconnected again. I feel as if I haven't written in a while. Not having the internet has made me feel separated from the world--forced to retreat to my thoughts. But I was not alone. I had my music, my books, my pen. Though my hiatus will be short-lived, lasting only one week, I feel somewhat revived. I will stop short of saying that I am completely changed; I am not. I am, however, more resolved. But I broke down first. The LSAT is overwhelmingly tiresome and it gets worse with every passing hour that I study. I was and still am so doubtful about my future. But I realized that there's beauty in the breakdown. Not knowing yourself entirely, not knowing what you want entirely is good because you'd have less to fight for if you did know. The uncertain can make you certain and the most obvious can be the least transparent. What is clear to me are my goals:

I will score high on the LSAT.

I will come out to my mother.

I will get into law school.

I will be successful and happy because I believe the two can walk together.

I will help others.

I will fight the good fight.

I will stay true to myself, my family, my friends, my beliefs.

These are my goals, and thus my law. My word is my law. And I will repeat my law so that I may never forget.

On another rambling note, "John Adams" is an HBO miniseries. I bought it at Costco to help pass the time. Similar to "The West Wing" it has refined and retuned my passion to serve. Not for title of grandeur or power or wealth, but for the common good. The United States is, to my knowledge, the first nation to war for a people's liberty. Taxation without representation. Status as a second-class citizen to an English-born person. These are what led 13 colonies to become one independent, free nation. Ironically the problems that escalated to the Revolutionary War have been recycled into modernity. What would our Founding Fathers think about the people in this country today who are trampling all over the Constitution? Where's the active liberty? Where are the people? What will it take for everyone to realize that marriage equality is everyone's issue? Denying rights to a people based on a characteristic can and will set a dangerous precedent.

"An unjust law is no law at all."