It's Happening

I'm losing my best friend.

I'm Scared

Fear is a state of mind.

I've been trying to come out to my mom since my 18th birthday. She's loving. And caring. A wonderful mother who sacrificed so much for me. I am where I am because she provided the opportunities. Disappointing her is not an option. Or so I thought.

Hiding is tiresome. I'm exhausted. I'm scared.

Will she disown me? How will I survive if she does? What am I going to do?

These are the thoughts that weigh down my courage. She raised me with an open door policy. In seeing the failed parenting of my controlling aunts and uncles, she created an environment of honesty. Good or bad, all she asked for was the truth.

I owe her it. But most importantly I owe it to myself.

New Year

I'm too young to feel this old. As my 23rd birthday approaches, I'm experiencing all sorts of conflicting adjectives: happy and sad, accomplished and worthless, refreshed and tired. It's a new year--a starting point for abstract, self-imposed resolutions. Resolutions are reSOLUTIONS. What am I resolving? Is there something to be solved?

I'm majoring in nutrition because I love eating...healthy.
I'm also majoring in communication because I like talking...effectively.

But I confess that I ate Del Taco, Jack in the Box, and McDonalds TODAY.
And that I often mispronounce words and speak without thinking.
Is there a problem? I don't think so.

What really needs to happen is this: I need to start realizing that this finite world has infinite possibilities, and that the possibilities are not always polar opposites--it's variations.

This year, I intend to renew my faith in myself.
I don't want to be tolerated; I want to be understood.
I don't want to change; I want to improve.
I don't want to settle; I want to succeed.
I'm going to defy gravity.

Food Love

"Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good."

On Obama

The Norwegian Nobel Committee selects the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. Even in admitting that the Committee has a broad interpretation of the qualifications for the award, far too many people are skeptical about President Obama receiving the Nobel. The Committee says that it endorses and contributes to enhance multilateralism in a world facing global problems--multifaceted solutions and cooperation is needed more than ever. The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize is a testament to America's leadership and role in the international community, and moreover, we should be proud that an American won. In light of everything that President Obama is trying to accomplish for us, it seems like he can't win because so many don't want him to win. On health care reform, there were absurd lies everywhere. What happened to civil debate? On encouraging a secure Israel and an independent Palestine, he was called anti-Semantic. What's wrong with peace? On trying to bring the Olympic Games to the United States, there were signs and shouts of joy when our bid fell short. Where did the patriotism go?

I'm Good

Really, I am. Back from the much needed mini vacation with a realization that I'm good. I may be my harshest critic, but it makes me work harder. I may not see or believe what my family or closest friends do, but it makes me feel better.

School: 1 year of Davis + 4 years of Reno = 2 degrees and 1 minor
Family: Forget About Me I Love You
LPR: I don't know what you're going to do without me...
California: I want to come back. ACCEPT ME.
Nevada: I can't wait to leave. MISS ME.
Love: Maybe I tried too hard. Meet me halfway.
LSAT: Hurry up and get scored. The wait isn't doing my nerves well.

It's Over

The worst is over. With the LSAT out of way (relatively speaking because I might have to take it again in December), I am now focused on crafting a personal statement so good that the Admissions Committee will have an orgasm. I'm also working on getting letters of recommendation from a professor, a supervisor, and a senator.

And then there's the list. The list of dream schools and realistic schools. I guess the worst isn't over. After I apply, I have to wait. Patience is a virtue and I'm not very patient. If I get in, I'll have three years of craziness and more years of debt. If I don't get in, Mommy will be sad. And I thought that I'd be HAPPY after the LSAT.

So I'm going to make me happy. I'm going to Davis and Sac this weekend to visit friends. And there's the Oktoberfest in San Francisco too. Mmmmm, I enjoy beer. Let's have a good weekend, people!